Dependent relationships – is there a way out of them?
Dependent relationships are the scourge of the 21st century! It is because of them that a huge number of people suffer today. Moreover, the reason for this is the psychological separation of the child from their parents. In that case, this might happened in a traumatic way and was not completed in a normal way.
Addiction – Normal and Abnormal – Path to dependent relationships
The clearest example of normal addiction is during childhood. Particularly in birth. But over time, the baby begins to independently determine their own needs. Usually, giving a signal (crying) about this, so they can satisfy their needs. A normal course of a separation process results in healthy personal boundaries. They will be able to clearly recognize their needs and complete them for themselves.
Excessive frustration occurs when the parents do not meet the child’s needs. If this is repeated, then the child develops a feeling of powerlessness. The psyche in this case begins to develop various protective mechanisms. One of them is determining the mood of the mother and adjusting to it. It works according to the following principle. You need to be good for your parent and it will be good for you. Then the child adjusts themselves to the needs of their parents. Therefore, ceasing to take care of themselves in a direct way.
Subsequently, they will begin to choose people who openly use them for life together. Besides, they will have obvious problems with self-esteem and faith in themselves. Most likely, they will not fully understand the sacrifice they make. This is the essence of a dependent relationship. And their basis is the trauma of impotence. It is the child, growing up, who will provoke and repeat in any other relationship. Through this path, they will try to service their trauma, subconsciously wanting to complete the separation process, not brought to its logical conclusion with the parents.
Perhaps we can safely call it dependence on independence. It represents separation or detachment directly from the object of dependence, so as not to come face to face with an unbearable feeling of one’s own powerlessness. In such a situation, a repressed fear of losing freedom is inevitably formed. Counterdependent people tend to avoid close relationships emotionally. Such people can let a large number of people into their lives, but the fear of losing their freedom will not allow them to create long-term trusting relationships. These people can start families, but at the same time there will not be much love and passion in the relationship, they can even look formal. Although an emptiness remains in the soul, a feeling of dissatisfaction, the phrases “I am not living my life”, “I lost myself” and others like that may sound.
That is why counter-dependent people are prone to alcohol and drug use. In completely different relationships (personal, friendly, working), they will rush between poles (dependence – counter-dependence), without finding the desired harmony and balance. An important aspect of a HEALTHY relationship is the fact that each of the partners gives themselves the right to move freely along the line in search of the best option for themselves, which is ideal here and now.
Therapy will help to learn this since contact with a psychologist allows you to work out old fears and give a person the resources so that he can rely on his own feelings. In other words, there is an emotional maturation of the client, who acquires an important and necessary ability to maintain their own integrity. This will give you the necessary tools to leave a dependent relationship.