Femininity starts with mom. Teaching femininity begins in childhood. And our first teacher is mom.
It is she who is the first example of a female image in our life.
Memories can help you analyze yourself and identify the root of some of the problems associated with a lack of femininity.
Your mom’s attitude towards herself as a person.
Did she treat herself with love? Did you love yourself or blame yourself for any reason?
How my mother felt about her appearance.
How did you take care of yourself, did you like fashionable beautiful clothes and new looks? Did you love your appearance?
The relationship of the mother with the opposite sex.
Analyze your mom’s attitude towards your dad. Was there agreement, harmony, understanding between them, or was their union complex, full of quarrels, and emotional stress? It is also important to remember how she treated other men – friends and acquaintances? Restrained and constrained, or friendly and open? Did you know how to be friends with them?
Perception of sex.
How did mom feel about sex? Could you freely talk about him with you? Or was this topic banned in your family?
Mom’s attitude towards you personally.
What kind of relationship were you in: trusting and close, or was there emotional coldness and misunderstanding between you? Did you trust each other?
How do others shape our femininity?
The girl learns femininity not only from her mother. The people around her also influence the formation of her sense of belonging to the female sex. First of all, these are female relatives: sisters, grandmothers, aunts. Then – the neighbors and mother’s friends.
Remember the images that surrounded you as a child. Were they well-groomed, beautiful women who enjoyed their femininity and were in harmony with themselves? Did they love themselves? How did they speak about other women, and in particular about feminine and beautiful women who look spectacular, who always have a lot of fans? Did they criticize such women, or did they approve of their well-groomed and feminine manners?
Your girlfriends will say a lot about your femininity. Who are they: bright and spectacular beauties or shy, “gray mice”. How do men relate to them, can their relationship with the opposite sex be called happy, harmonious?
The influence of men
The surrounding men have a global influence on the emerging femininity. First of all, this is the father. The image of the father is for the girl the embodiment of the entire male world, and her attitude towards him, the perception of him in the future will determine her attitude towards all men in general. Was your relationship with your father warm, friendly, did he show love and attention to you, or was there coldness, alienation, aggression between you?
There are many among us who grew up without a father at all. In this case, our idea of men is formed by people who partially or completely replace the father – stepfather, grandfather, uncle, older brother, teacher, and so on. Did you love these men, trust them, or were you afraid and tried to avoid them? Did they offend you, or did they dislike you?
If you do not have relationships with men in your life, then first of all you need to look for the reason in childhood: it is possible that the image of a man was initially formed incorrectly due to complex relationships with his father (male relatives, teachers, surrounding men), which causes alienation from males and difficulties in communicating with them.
Your ideal woman
Now think about the image of the perfect woman in your head. Submit everything in detail. Who is she and what does she do? What does it look like? How does he like to dress? Up to what style and colors he prefers in clothes and makeup. What are her manners, character? Is she independent or soft and pliant, emotional or calm? Is she single or has an ongoing and lasting relationship? How does this ideal woman feel about herself? Does he love himself? It is recommended that you write a list of the qualities of your ideal woman. Then compare these qualities from the list with yours. This will make it easier for you to understand what is worth working on and what qualities to develop in yourself.
Attitude towards mom – projection on yourself
Your attitude towards your mom is unconsciously projected onto you personally. It often happens that we criticize our mothers, we cannot accept something in them. But the fact is that these shortcomings are partly inherent in ourselves. Not accepting mom with all her shortcomings, keeping grudges against her, we cannot accept ourselves, we do not love ourselves and we oppress. It is important to work out the attitude towards the mother and accept her for who she is. After that, you will start treating yourself better, you will be able to accept and love yourself.
After analyzing the relationship from childhood in detail, compare the information with the image of the ideal woman in your head. Such a comparison will give an idea of which direction to move on and what to work on in order to find femininity and love yourself.
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