Every breakup is always painful, and if it happens on the initiative of a man, then it is doubly painful. Any woman over 25 years old has experienced a painful parting with a loved one at least once in her life. Breakup stress can highly affect a person’s life.
The one who only yesterday looked adoringly and admired your beauty, today timidly averts his eyes and pretends that there was no “yesterday” at all. For women, this situation seems like a terrible nightmare. You wish you would just wake up and everything would be as before. Awareness gradually comes and then the first thought is “How could he?“, Then comes “Why?” and “How to get back the old relationship?“. But is it worth returning to them? let’s try to figure it out in our article.
Why do men leave?
A man can leave for various reasons. Therefore, the question “Why?” there can have many answers. The appearance of a child can provoke the departure of the head of the family. The father is morally not ready for this, they see them as a rival, taking the lion’s share of attention and love.
Someone is not satisfied with a relationship, someone, on the contrary, is overprotective or constant jealousy. A woman, in the end, may simply not justify the desires of a man or, when living together, it turns out that they have different goals in life. One thing is for sure, that if a partner decides to break off relations, then something in them specifically does not suit him. The only exceptions are those males who change women like gloves, trying to find their ideal. This behavior is not normal and requires serious psychological correction.
After the breakup
Women, when they finally realize that they have been abandoned, often do not behave quite adequately. Almost all of them have a desire to return to their old relationship at any cost. This further aggravates the pain of the breakup. This should not be done categorically. Before you do anything, you need to calm down and try to understand why this unpleasant situation happened to you.
By nature, a man is hotter than a woman, and, accordingly, he begins to experience the feeling of love faster. This is due to the fact that its main purpose in life is the continuation of a kind. This is why the representatives of the stronger sex themselves, without realizing it, try to produce as many offspring as possible. Without thinking about whether they need this relationship or not. Everything is done on a subconscious level. In women, their natural psychology is somewhat different. According to the famous American psychiatrist and authors of a number of psychological bestsellers Milton Erickson, a woman is carrying a child not for 9 months, but for 18 years. That is how much time she needs to make a decision about procreation. That is why women fall in love much more slowly than men.
Beginning of the relationship
But falling in love is just the beginning of a relationship. This is followed by the stay of both in a certain illusory state. When both a man and a woman pin great hopes on each other and endow their partner with certain, sometimes even non-existent, virtues, closing their eyes to his true face. This is due to the fact that they unconsciously think that this time their dreams are destined to come true. But they don’t talk to each other about them. Because of this, over a long period of the relationship, a woman may not know about her partner’s habits, goals in his life, shortcomings, and dark sides. The same applies to the man in love with her, who also dwells in illusory dreams for some time. However, a woman invests more in a relationship.
What it means to be embedded can be explained by a simple example. There’s a gorgeous dress that is way too expensive. A woman not only imagines herself in it but also scrolls in her head the compliments that she expects to hear about it. The possible envy of her friends, admiration of male colleagues and etc. She invests her emotions in this dress, leaving her desires, dreams, and hopes on the window of the shop. A woman, even without money, already mentally buys it. It also happens with the man she likes. She mentally tries on the role of his half and, even, plays in her head a scenario for the further development of relations. The same thing happens with a man, only he lights up faster and also burns out quickly. In women, these processes are much slower.
Mutual sympathy contributes to the development of relations in which both partners also need to invest. Understanding and happily fulfilling each other’s desires is important. This can be achieved only if they have similar values in life, and the ability to forgive and find a compromise. If this is not the case, misunderstandings and disagreements arise, which are still stopped by the state of love in which they are. But over time, dissatisfaction with each other begins to accumulate and, in the end, spills out, inexorably leading to a breakup. The fact that it most often occurs on the initiative of a man is explained by the fact that a woman is by nature more patient and can forgive and put up with the inconvenience.
Also in a relationship, men won’t return to where they were disappointed at least once. For women, this is much more complicated. They, as a rule, give one chance, then one more, and so it can go on indefinitely. A man immediately and without regret takes everything that he has already invested in a relationship, including feelings, no matter how strong he feels. It so happens that he takes all this earlier, even before he finally leaves. And when he takes the last decisive step, the woman remains perplexed, although, in fact, the breakup occurred much earlier, and she did not understand and did not notice.
And, since the feelings, hopes, and expectations of the abandoned woman remained with her now ex-partner, she will make every effort to return him. The following are used:
- Beauty salons for a radical change in appearance;
- Visiting grandmas-fortune-tellers, sorcerers, psychics;
- Frequent calls, tantrums, visits to work;
- Immediate search for a new lover, etc.
However, with all this, she only encourages her ex-partner to run away from her and, if possible, completely exclude meetings and contacts. And this is not surprising, because he had already taken everything that was invested in the relationship when he left. The former partner is no longer interested in her. She became a stranger to him and he no longer has the strength or desire to invest in her again. And, it is quite possible that he has already invested his feelings, dreams, hopes, and expectations in another lady and now his relationship with her is rapidly developing.
Advice for abandoned women
In this case, the abandoned woman can be advised the following:
- Realize that you are now a stranger to him. He sees all your shortcomings and does not expect anything from you. He no longer experiences his former feelings towards you, and your tantrums will only increase the gap between you.
- Go through the main stages of loss. Try to return everything that was invested in this person and end the relationship on your part. Forgiving and letting go of the partner who left you.
According to psychologists, if the first two conditions for ending the relationship, the breakup of which occurred on the initiative of the partner, have been adequately passed, the woman has a chance, if not to return her old feelings, then try to start all over again with this person. But this chance, as a rule, is no longer needed.
Decent passage the above points gives an abandoned woman the opportunity, without remembering the past, to start a new relationship as soon as a worthy candidate appears on the horizon. And it will be easy for her to do this since the past is already in the past and the memories of it do not weigh her down.
If you’re going through a rough breakup and feel like there’s no ending to the pain. You might need to seek professional help to aid during these hard times.
Get an appointment today with one of our specialists.