One of the hardest pains you have to endure in life is the loss of a loved one. We all learn from a young age the concept of death. However, no one is prepared for the death of a loved one. Human life includes both the joy of gain and the bitterness of loss. As a person grows up and gets older, more and more often they meet with losses. So it is very important to learn how to interact with them and live the process of mourning. This takes place in several stages.
The first stage –
Numbness, and Shock. This begins immediately after receiving the news of death and can last up to 9 days on average. At this time, a person can still mentally stay next to the deceased person. They can even experience a pronounced feeling of anger if someone breaks into this space.
The second stage –
Search. It lasts from 5 to 12 days. During this period, a person is faced with the need to accept that their loved one is no longer there. At this stage, the deceased may appear in the crowd or even hear their voice. This should not be scary. All of these reactions are healthy.
The third stage –
Acute grief. It lasts from one and a half to two months. A person in this stage can feel that their resources are gone. Their energy is leaking out, that it is difficult to breathe, etc. All this is absolutely normal. As well as the feelings characteristic of this period: anxiety, loneliness, emptiness, fear, guilt, meaninglessness. Yes, unfortunately, the work of grief is exhausting. Nevertheless, it is very important to go through all these stages. To live them, not to suppress these feelings. Because only then will you give yourself the opportunity to burn off the loss and continue living.
Fourth stage –
Residual manifestations and subsequent Reorganization. Gradually the person regains their strength, appetite and their sleep improve. But short bouts of grief may still appear. A trigger can be some significant dates, as well as periods that are significant for a person during life. For example, winter is a favorite season or the onset of the summer cottage season.
Fifth Stage –
Completion. Here the experience enters its final stage. At this stage the image of the deceased loved one occupies a special place in the consciousness and inner world; and does not disappear.
How to ease the pain of loss?
The most common “defensive” reaction to grief is trying to cope with it and overcome it when in reality it is better to allow yourself to be in the feelings that you are experiencing and in the state in which you are. A ban on tears, on experiences, is fraught with loss of health. It is important to understand that your grief does not have to be prudent at all, to have any framework of adequacy, because, in reality, all your reactions are normal, healthy: it is they that will allow you to live the pain here and now, and not carry it with you throughout your life.
How you can take care of yourself
- Keep track of sleep and nutrition, if possible – adhere to a certain daily routine, according to which meals and bedtime are carried out; Talk with others about the deceased person: You may recall something from the past, some situations, and pleasant moments.
- Periodically, when you have the opportunity to retire, tell yourself about a person – “He died”, without replacing this phrase with “He left” or “He left us”, and also without fear of your emotions: let them show themselves, let them splash out. In many cultures, there is a custom – by all means cry with every person who comes to the house of the deceased, and this greatly helps loved ones to express their grief.
- If you feel angry, then allow yourself it, do not impose a taboo, because it is absolutely natural and normal.
- Stay in touch with your own feelings, monitor your condition, and if it worsens – help yourself with self-support, light sedatives, or ask for help from those who are near you.
These rules apply to both women and men. When faced with the loss of a loved one, there is no gender separation: people experience feelings (pain, fear, anxiety) in the same way, so feel free to present them and be aware of them.
The death of dear and dear people is always a test that is a part of life and through which each of us passes. But if you need my help and support, you can always count on it.