Practicing psychologists say that 80% of our opinion of ourselves is based on what others think and say about us. This is why public opinion is so important to us. Try to remember how often we think about what others think of us. The desire to be liked by others is a natural feeling.
This is especially true in childhood when our formation as a person takes place. At this age, we are especially dependent on the opinions of people who are significant to us – parents, friends, teachers. The degree of significance of approval from the outside, including by complete strangers, will vary. A person with self-love is independent of the opinions of others and does not need their constant approval.
In order to understand why this happens, let’s take a short trip into the past, to the days as a newborn. The baby is completely dependent on the love, attention, and care of others. Without all this, he will not survive. But the grown-up baby no longer needs all-consuming love and round-the-clock care. The parents, unwittingly, begin to give him the wrong attitudes, which can negatively affect his future life.
In an effort to make their child comfortable – quiet and obedient, they begin to blackmail him with their love, while uttering completely unacceptable phrases. For example: “I don’t need a spoiled child”, “If you behave badly, I’ll send you to an orphanage”, etc. And the child concludes that in order to be loved, he must be quiet and obedient, or at least pretend to be so.
Almost each of us can remember how they scolded us in childhood for whims, violent manifestations of discontent, or aggression. Although these are the same natural emotions like laughter or sincere joy. But the parents, instead of trying to understand their baby or figure out what the matter is, reproach him with dissatisfaction with the fact that “good children don’t behave like that,”. They also shame him and try to humiliate him. As a result, they again provoke us to pretend and not be ourselves only in order to be who they see us.
But this is understandable. After all, many adults are very concerned about “what will people think of us?“. For them, public opinion is more valuable than the emotions of their own children. Moreover, the opinion of those around them is dearer than their own “I”. Here they lose themselves as a person for the sake of the approval received from other people. This forces them to be good to everyone, to try to please everyone, only to be accepted. As a result of this behavior, they are deprived of the ability to create, since any creativity is an expression of individuality. And those who are dependent on the opinions of other people do not have their own individuality.
Magnificent art canvases, unique musical masterpieces, great inventions, and discoveries. All of these were made by those who did not look back at someone else’s opinion and never thought about what other people would say about it. In their creations, they expressed themselves as individuals and at the same time were sincere, including with themselves. But if they were constantly looking back and trying to understand what others think of them, then we would not see their masterpieces. Because they would lose themselves as a person and merge with the gray mass. They became the same as the majority – boring, faceless, mediocre.
But even if you do not pay attention to great people, you can see that those who are independent of public opinion and who do not care what others think about them have become successful people. They followed the path that they initially chose, and there they were successful.
Based on the above, to conclude that in order to gain fame, success, recognition, and wealth, it is important to get rid of the fetters of public opinion as soon as possible. It has long been recognized that even our well-being depends on our ability to be ourselves. We cannot change our childhood and the attitudes we received in it. But it is entirely within our power to change our attitude towards ourselves.
After all, it is often enough to love yourself. And as soon as this happens, you yourself will be surprised at how little the opinions of others mean to you. This means that now you have enough chances to become happy. After all, as it turned out, the greatest happiness is the happiness of being yourself and living in harmony with yourself, as well as allowing yourself to show any emotions without thinking about what others will say about it. We have the right to laugh
But at the same time, remember that too frequent manifestation of negative emotions positions us as a deeply unhappy person. But if you show them only occasionally, then this is quite natural. It is impossible to live life with pink glasses. And every person has moments when he wants to tear and throw. Restraining these impulses within yourself is extremely harmful. They will be destructive to your psyche. Therefore, it is extremely important, at least occasionally, to throw them out. And so you need to love yourself – different, sincere, emotional.
Exercises you can practice
Below is one psychological exercise to do when you doubt your love for yourself or when you begin to doubt whether you are as good as you think you are. It consists in the fact that you will need to hug yourself tightly. As tightly as possible. And tell yourself that in this life you are walking your own path, which you have chosen for yourself. And the people around you have the right to form their opinion about you, but it does not interest you, since you have your own goal and you, by all means, will achieve it.
Not a single person in the world has the right to decide for you what is bad and what is good, and even more so to assess your actions. Don’t let someone else’s false beliefs lead you astray from the path you intend to take towards your goal. Don’t be afraid to deny people their requests if you don’t want to fulfill them. You, first of all, should be interested only in your own interests. Any help on your part should be sincere and proceed solely from your desire to help. We will be respected by those around us only after we ourselves begin to respect ourselves. And to do this, you need to learn to say a clear “no” to everything that is unacceptable to us.
Do you want to improve your self-love and stop needing approval from others? The key is within you.