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  /  Self-Care   /  Learning to love and appreciate yourself
Learning to love yourself

Many of us know that you need to love yourself. But not everyone is able to do this. Let me give you a simple example, which will be the story of a woman who, deciding to pamper herself, bought a whole box of juicy, ripe, freshly picked apples.

At home, she put them on the balcony in the hope of keeping them fresh for as long as possible. But the very next day, she discovered that one apple began to deteriorate and rot. With its rot, it could infect the entire box. So, she cut off the spoiled area and quickly ate it. The next day, she found two more rotting apples in the box and did the same with them. She did the same on the third day. This continued until the box ran out of apples. It turned out that instead of fresh and juicy fruits with which she was going to pamper herself, she ate a whole box of spoiled ones. Can this really be called self-love? Of course not.

 

Do you see yourself in this?

Surely, many recognized themselves in this woman, and their habit of constantly eating something, wearing it out, finding secondary use. Such people are driven by the fear to afford good, tasty, expensive. Their luxurious services are on the sideboard, expensive outfits that are waiting in the closet for a suitable occasion, which may never come. Delicious food is bought exclusively for the festive table and in very limited quantities.

These habits are passed down from generation to generation. The era of total scarcity gave birth to them. In those days, women gave their children the most tidbits. Sometimes they didn’t finish their food, in order to feed their child more. 

The same applies to clothes, household utensils, and other things necessary for a normal living standard. But people’s past habits remain. Many women buy themselves the cheapest clothes or even wear them for grown-up daughters or sisters. Others – eat up any leftover food, motivating it so that it does not go to waste. They can only be advised to more carefully calculate the amount of food per family so that they do not have to, do not finish, or throw them away. The gifts of nature, which is human food, must be treated with due respect and gratitude.

 

Sacrifices made by women

There is another category of women who will never take the piece they want, leaving it to their children, parents, or husband. In such behavior, veiled pride is clearly traced, which she herself does not even suspect, thinking that she is doing a noble deed for the sake of her family. In fact, her sacrifice presented in this way turns out to be of no use to anyone. Nobody demands complete dedication from a modern woman. But they stubbornly continue to perform sacrificial acts that no one asks of them. This adds holiness to them in their own eyes, and they begin to extol themselves. But this suggests that they do not love and respect themselves.

The reasons for this behavior are explained as follows. Some 100 years ago, women did not work and therefore did not have their own income. Therefore, they considered themselves a burden for the family, a kind of kept women, which forced them to behave very modestly. But now everything has changed. Women work no less than men and earn decent money. Therefore, it is already time for them not only to learn to value themselves but to see their value, which, in fact, is enormous.

 

Maternal care

Your sacrifice does not need to be explained by caring for the child since real maternal care is different. And such actions can seriously harm him in adulthood. Firstly, watching how the mother denies herself in many ways to please him, he may feel guilty and not understanding why she is doing this. Secondly, in adulthood, he may think that now he is obliged to deny himself everything, and behaves exactly the same in his family. And, thirdly, the mother of the family, who is malnourished and refuses to do everything, shows that she does not love herself, does not appreciate, and does not respect. Her demeanor can be copied by her daughter, which contributes to the transfer of such sacrifice from generation to generation. She destroys the very personality of a woman and speaks of her dislike for herself.

 

You can change this behavior

All of this can be changed. Sometimes – with the help of an experienced psychologist. After all, such behavior is unworthy of a modern woman who knows her own worth. You need to start by learning to allow yourself to do what you want. That is, allow yourself to eat deliciously, dress nicely, surround yourself with pleasant things, and take care of yourself. Life is given to us for the fulfillment of desires and there is no need to give them up, even for the sake of loved ones. But you don’t need to rush from one extreme to another. Thinking about yourself, you must not forget about your loved ones. And, conversely, when thinking about loved ones, you should not forget about yourself.

In families where a woman shows sacrifice that no one needs, she will be treated as a victim. If she, denying herself tidbits, eats for her family members what needs to be thrown away, then over time she will find that she has nothing left but these pieces. Relatives give her everything she does not need, leaving all the best for herself. This state of affairs needs to be changed urgently. Otherwise, grievances, discontent, and misunderstanding are inevitable. But if all this suits you, then we will consider it your choice. But later you will be very disappointed with the attitude of your family.

 

Golden rule

Numerous complaints and complaints about life are not excluded. Remember, others treat us the way we treat ourselves. And if we love and respect ourselves, then other people will love and respect us. But if we are used to being content with little, then we should not expect gifts from fate. They are received only by the worthy. And to relate to those, you need to love yourself.

Psychological correction is needed by those who from an early age observed the mother’s sacrificial model of behavior in front of their eyes. And also those to whom the necessity of sacrificing oneself to children and husband was inspired all their lives. They need to abandon stereotypes and remove all far-fetched restrictions.

 

Modern woman

A modern woman deserves all the best. And as soon as you start to allow yourself beautiful clothes, expensive makeup, regular nails, delicious food, etc., you yourself will be surprised at how quickly your life will change. Moreover, for the better. She will sparkle for you with bright colors, life will become easy and joyful.

But it is possible that at first, you will have to resist strong internal resistance to these changes. Moreover, you may even experience some shame. You will feel that by allowing yourself to spend money on your own pleasure, you will deprive your children of this. But if there is a measure in all this, then all this can be called completely unfounded. But if suddenly your inner resistance turns out to be stronger than you, or you cannot resist your artificial shame, your subconscious will do everything to ensure that you leave what you want and get mired in your role of the victim forever. Therefore, before starting to change your life, agree with your subconscious to accept these changes.

Be that as it may, but the choice, to be a victim or a queen, in this life is yours, dear women. No one argues that our children deserve all the best, but we are also worthy of all this no less than they. And if suddenly you have to buy a box of fresh apples, eat only good fruits, and send everything spoiled and rotten without regret to the trash.

 

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