Narcissistic mothers give their daughters an adrenaline knockout from life and this situation is widespread since we have a significant number of narcissists.
Narcissistic parents have a peculiarity: they do not contribute to the upbringing of adequate children. They do not create conditions for the development of the child as an independent self-sufficient person.
Narcissistic moms affect both sons and daughters. The latter “get” more, as they see competitors in their daughters.
Even before a child is born, the narcissistic mother believes that the child will be the best, the best provided, and this confidence is based on arrogance.
The existence of a child is not considered from the point of view of the child itself. The child is not seen as a person, and she treats them accordingly. The child is part of the narcissist or part of the environment.
Let’s consider everything from the very beginning.
The time has come, and the narcissistic mother must have an alien – the birth of a child. For the first time, a mother freaks out during pregnancy. In the fourth or fifth month, pregnancy manifests itself in various ways, and the narcissistic mother feels discomfort. While blaming the whole world for this, claims begin against the unborn child and childbirth, which cannot be avoided. Even before pregnancy, the narcissist thought about adoption or surrogacy to avoid discomfort but is not ideal due to bad genetics, bad influence (a surrogate mother can get sick during pregnancy). Therefore, it does not inspire confidence. Further, thoughts arise that you can go for an abortion, or resort to artificial childbirth, but this is also impossible, because there is little good in this, and I want to amaze the world that I gave birth myself!
Narcissistic mothers most often wish to have a son. Daughters are treated like second class. The son is the future president, the lord of the galaxy. Women are rarely required for such activities.
The thoughts come that the daughter is a future bitch, a prostitute, a freeloader, her mother will only be exhausted with her. Some go to get rid of a child who has unnecessary sex. Others may have negative feelings about their daughter even before she is born. The key point is not that the mother wants a boy to be born, but hatred of her daughter before birth, the recognition of her failure in life because of her existence.
These women often have a difficult birth, which is influenced by psychological reasons. The birth itself is provoking a protest. A woman will always remain dissatisfied, whatever the process of childbirth is: paid, free, by an acquaintance, or without it.
A child appeared. Problems immediately appear. He is a living being, though dependent on his mother, however, separate. The narcissistic mother is not able to understand his needs, does not understand them.
The narcissist is able to withstand the period of caring for the child. The narcissistic mother, of course, is experiencing difficulties, it is hard for her. It will be good if she succeeds in raising a child who is at an inconvenient age for her, grandmother, grandfather. And later, when problem situations arise, there will be those who are chronically guilty.
If the child has nowhere to go, they will become constant irritation to the mother. A daughter in her eyes will always look stupid, awkward, unlucky, etc.
There may be no boundaries between mother and child that are not distinguished by the mother. In this case, the mother will begin to solve many issues: go everywhere with her daughter, shop for clothes, toys, etc. If she liked something, therefore, the daughter will approve of it, in other words, the child does not have his own desires and opinions.
However, there is another option, the mother and daughter can be separated by a wall. Then the mother simply forgets about the child: birthdays are not celebrated, clothes are not bought, even the child is not taken from school.
Two types ignore childhood problems
The first type does not know about the presence of a problem (I have no problem, why a child should have them). The second type does not want to know about the existence of the problem.
When a child enters adolescence, the mother of the first type gets involved in the affairs of her daughter, does not allow her to solve any issues on her own. The daughter’s independence is suppressed.
The second type gives the daughter wide freedom. True, if she deviates from the accepted norms, cruel punishment and retribution for the work will follow (I gave birth to you!).
The adult life of children whose mothers are narcissists is characterized by a difficult relationship between mother and daughter. A mother with no borders gives her daughter in marriage. Family life takes place with the participation of a daughter, her husband, and her mother. The mother seeks to have her daughter next to her, for which she is engaged in rocking the relationship between her daughter and her husband. When the husband is confident in himself, the mother is able to lead the marriage to divorce.
If the mother has no contact with the daughter, the mother begins to use the daughter. For example, a daughter needs to be shared with her, supported. She didn’t have an abortion!
In any case, the mother will consider her daughter imperfect (only she belongs to the only higher being). Therefore, recognition from my daughter will not work. She is not interested in daughter problems, they are considered nonsense. Interest can cause problems that will help to recognize the daughter as an unhappy woman, “a complete fool.”
The ideal, which is constantly present, usually includes a neighbor, relative, classmate, with whom they compare their child (not in his favor). And, of course, comparisons with yourself will follow.
The narcissistic mother
The mother is the best, more important, her problems are the most urgent and significant, her interests are the most important. When the daughter has achieved some kind of success, the mother will let her know that during the same period she had a much larger number of suitors, job offers, etc. Or it could be, only the presence of an ugly child interfered.
When the daughter thinks too much of herself, the mother will find a way to “put her down”. She can use direct insults, affectionate reproaches, reminders, tactless remarks.
If a daughter argues, defends herself, or even sends her mother away, she will make her feel like a bastard upsetting her mother. A mother knows how to approach her own child. Therefore, when a daughter tries to get away from the conflict, everything will end up feeling like a “bad girl” and she may have to ask for forgiveness.
Daughters with successful lives can spend millions on mothers, and on all sorts of nonsense. They are not going to return them in advance, because the child is obliged. When the child tries to recoup the funds, the mother displays a narcissistic frenzy, saying she has merit.
With an insistent demand for money, the mother goes very far: spreads rumors about her daughter, hires bandits, calls a psychiatric brigade, appeals to the prosecutor’s office.
In these conditions, the mother is as unhappy as a daughter. The daughter is from birth with her mother, who from her, like from clay, molds support for her own deformed personality. But the child is a different creature that uses its laws in development. And therefore, in order not to allow herself to collapse, the mother corrects her own consciousness, even if the consciousness protests.
Narcissistic mothers do not bring their daughters mental health, quiet existence. Having a narcissistic mother is an eternal battle for a daughter. To normalize their own lives, such daughters need to do significant work.
We need the formation of our personality, where the mother is not present, the realization that childhood has passed. Mom will have terrible resistance, and it will not be easy. All this needs to be digested. It is better to get rid of what you have not been able to digest. It is necessary to leave that which is capable of nourishing life. There is always such a thing, even in a terrible, traumatic childhood.
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