The psychological term “narcissist” means “narcissism”, it speaks of different forms of love in relation to oneself. It owes its name to ancient Greek mythology. According to legend, Narcissus rejected the love of a beautiful nymph, which incredibly angered the gods. As a punishment, they made him fall in love with himself, seeing his own reflection on the lake surface and died of love for himself. At the place of his death, a flower grew, called a daffodil.
The term “narcissist” is used in relation to vain, selfish, greedy, and empty people who love to manipulate their loved ones; and don’t consider the opinions of others. However, these people can leave a great first impression of themselves. They can be charming, friendly, and welcoming if desired. They easily grab the attention of the audience and even take the lead. It would seem that relations with such people should be ideal, but in reality, it turns out that not everything is so simple.
Because of their own vanity, narcissists prefer to establish close relationships with those people who are generally recognized; and in some way even exceptional. Their partner must necessarily be good looking, smart, erudite, etc. This is explained by the fact that sick self-esteem requires that the object of their love must certainly arouse admiration among others. But these qualities only attract narcissistic people at the very beginning of a relationship. After the feelings subside a little, what previously aroused admiration in the narcissist will become the object of his envy, but he will never admit it to themselves.
But one should not confuse a narcissistic personality with a common one; who has a share of healthy narcissism, expressed in a sense of self-confidence. Narcissists don’t accept any, even the most insignificant, disadvantages in a partner; but at the same time, they cannot calmly relate to their real merits, which is why they suffer incredibly. There can be no healthy relationship here. And naturally, there can be no talk of any love, respect, and trust. The narcissist is not familiar with such feelings, they have a painful need to draw someone into his inner emptiness, this will allow them to balance their emotions.
Everyone makes their own choice
However, some people voluntarily agree to an alliance with such a person and there are two explanations for this. In an alliance with a narcissist, people enter into whom the satisfaction of the needs of another person gives importance. This happens in those who have one of the parents suffering from narcissism. And such a behavior model is considered a variant of the norm for them.
Another relationship with a narcissist is built by people with severely low self-esteem. They no longer hope to arouse admiration and recognition in the eyes of others, and therefore only want to “bask” in the glory of their more successful partner. The fact that they don’t understand this deceptive impression soon and often only when a charming and witty partner turns them into a puppet who has neither opinion, desires, or needs.
Despite their selfishness and other aspects of their nature, narcissists very easily strike up relationships. They can charm with their imaginary “exceptionalism”, “peculiarity” and attention to the partner. Which they take for love, not realizing how cruelly mistaken they are.
Example 1. Narcissus is around all the time
Some of us are attracted to narcissistic people like a magnet. They may be surprised to note that life very often confronts them with such people. They can only be advised to look back and understand the ingrained problems they are trying to solve by entering into this impossible union. In order to reliably recognize a narcissistic relationship, it is enough to realize what real feelings you feel when you are in the company of your partner.
Narcissists tend to make people who care about them feel ashamed, embarrassed, and, to some extent, angry. But along with this some feelings of deep admiration and boundless adoration. And if you realized that you have strong feelings for the narcissist, think about what strings of their soul they managed to hook you. Remember events from the past when you had the same feelings.
The main danger of such a relationship will be that you fall under the illusion of merging; a rather big delusion when we think that we have become one with our partner. When even the thought of a possible separation plunges you into horror. This is due to the characteristic feature of narcissists to claim to have freehold rights. In personal relationships, this will consist of the complete and unquestioning submission of their partner to the requirements to satisfy all desires and needs; while the narcissist is unlikely to respond in the same way. These people only give what they themselves want. And this is the highest measure of narcissism.
Example 2. Inheritance from parents
Narcissists marry only when their partner is willing to sacrifice their entire life on the altar of serving them. Therefore, the children who have appeared in this family. They copy the parental model of behavior when one partner only gives, and the other only takes. There is no talk of any equality in such a family. To understand whether your attraction to narcissists is the result of the example of your parents, you need to honestly answer the following questions:
- Does pain or frustration accompany your relationship?
- In close relationships, do you have difficulty giving or receiving?
- Do you often fall in love, or, on the contrary, are afraid to let people in because of the fear of being rejected or used?
- Do you usually choose inappropriate or unavailable partners?
- Have you never fallen in love?
- Do you believe in “perfect love” that you find safe and exciting enough?
- After getting to know your partner better after a while, it turns out that there are flaws in him that you cannot accept or forgive with great difficulty? Is the ease of communication going away?
- Do you take responsibility for all the troubles that happen between you?
- Do you feel much better in a relationship when you idealize your partner or, on the contrary, devalue his actions and deeds?
If you answered yes to most of the questions, then it’s safe to say that your cravings for unhealthy relationships with narcissistic individuals are the result of copying your parents’ behavior. And knowing this now will help you work harder on yourself and create new healthy relationships in which you two will be comfortable.
The best way to heal yourself from an unhealthy relationship with a narcissistic person is to create a healthy new alliance with an equal partner. This union should begin with communication, in which there will be respect for the opinions and feelings of another person, mutual support, attention, and care. I believe that you can create such a relationship. Only this relationship will allow you to enjoy life and learn the mutual pleasure of close communication with each other.