Loneliness is often the result of a lot of disappointment in life, people, and yourself.
Therefore, it is not at all surprising that in our society there is a huge number of single women whose problems psychologists have to face.
And this is not necessarily loneliness in the literal sense of the word when there are no relatives and friends nearby.
It can also manifest as depression, codependency in relationships, unsuccessful marriage.
In decoding this problem, you need to find something that has nothing to do with the personal biography of a lonely life.
The reason must be sought in the generic system.
Psychology explains that a life scenario is an unconscious plan created in childhood, which a person follows throughout their life.
Its formation is influenced by the life position of relatives, their way of life, and thinking.
Such a psychological concept as a life scenario was first used by the world-famous psychologist and psychiatrist Eric Berne.
Parents’ influence in early childhood forms a psychological scenario.
It contains the traditions established in the family, as well as all those expectations that have been formed for each family member.
They are usually passed down from generation to generation. Parents, as it were, subconsciously give their children clear instructions regarding their future life.
They contain the roles that they need to play and the life position that they need to follow.
As they grow up, a child with an already formed internal script will be quite successful in selecting people for manipulation.
They will need this in order to replenish the list of characters.
A life scenario written in early childhood remains with a person for life.
And they, without noticing it, live life the way their parents once programmed.
A distinctive feature of any life scenario is that the person who lives according to it does not realize and does not understand this.
Hitting this won’t be just a role in the game, for them, it’s a lifetime.
The repetition of fate from generation to generation is the main feature of the generic scenario.
Usually, it can be clearly traced along the female line when a marriage of three or four generations was unsuccessful. It’s hard enough to break the script, but it’s possible.
You just need to realize the problem and look for ways to solve it, together with a specialist.
How does it all look in practice?
Since this article is devoted to the problem of female loneliness due to the generic script written in this way, we will give it the title “A strong woman who considers all men to be her own“.
Its plot will be based on one or more unsuccessful marriages behind her shoulders.
The reasons for this are irrelevant. The husband could either leave by himself, or she herself kicked him out.
There may even be tragic variants – murder, suicide, serious illness, etc. That’s not the point in this, but the fact that in the end, the woman is still alone.
Moreover, this in her family is not an accident, but a pattern.
When marriage failure is perceived as inevitable.
The clan is considered cursed, bewitched, unhappy, etc. Men do not seem to linger in it.
Let’s look at a simple example. A 45-year-old woman has been living alone for over 15 years.
She came to the reception in order to solve the problem of codependency of her daughter, who is already 26, and she still demonstrates the complete infantilism of her behavior – she lives with her mother, cannot solve life problems, needs protection and care.
And most importantly, she cannot make new acquaintances and build relationships with men.
The mother suspected codependency.
She had read a mountain of psychological literature and correlated it with her life situation.
She expected help primarily for herself since she believed that her changes would affect her daughter.
But after she received a remark that she herself provokes infantile behavior in her daughter, overprotecting her, she immediately began to defend herself, explaining all this with maternal duty and love.
In fact, the true nature of these codependent relationships is the over-importance of the daughter for the mother.
She is the meaning of her life, which causes a huge amount of fears for her life and destiny.
And a woman, without noticing it, psychologically “overloads” her daughter, which leads to complete submission and dependence. The mother cannot let her daughter go freely because of her desire to take care of her.
Let’s approach this problem from a slightly different perspective.
The woman does not have a man at the moment.
After the divorce, of course, she tried to build a new relationship, but they all failed.
The reason for this was the bad habits of one, the low wages of the other, the fear that his daughter might not accept him, concerning the third, etc.
And after a series of failed relationships, the woman decided that she did not need men at all, since it was quite possible to live without them.
As for other men from her family, her mother divorced her husband because he drank heavily, grandfather abandoned her grandmother and went to a younger and more attractive woman.
As for the great-grandmother, her situation resembles a family legend.
In the era of her youth, she fell in love very much with one guy, but her parents did not allow her to marry him and married her to another person instead.
In this marriage, she had three daughters, but the third was like two drops of water like her lover.
They did not say openly that she gave birth to her lover. It became a “family secret”.
From all this, we can conclude that all women of her family compare themselves to their great-grandmother, who lived her whole life in marriage without love.
And therefore, without noticing it, they choose for themselves her life scenario and her fate.
Hellinger described this situation very well. It’s like a baton passed down from generation to generation.
There are no roles for men in their life scenario.
Even if they get into this family, they do not stay there for a long time.
And the sophisticated female subconscious helps in this, helping to find a lot of reasons for their expulsion from the clan. The life scenario determines male-hating in families.
Usually reinforced by trauma and resentment.
And we have considered only one life story, there are others, no less tragic.
For example, at the reception, the client realized that in their family men do not hold up, and women are all as if they were a selection – strong, but lonely.
And everything unfolds according to the same scenario.
One gets the impression that women in this family marry with one goal – to conceive a child.
The reason for this is the life scenario. It is very difficult to escape from it, because for a person who has fallen into it, it is life. And the first step in getting rid of it will be to realize your role in it.
The second is going to a psychologist.
And, most importantly, the person who tore apart the script allows his descendants to live not according to the script, but to become independent directors of their own destiny. And this is an invaluable service.
Get an appointment today with one of our specialists.